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My father-in-law, our pastor, asked if we had heard anything about the court hearing. Matt spoke up, “No we haven’t, but it is very likely we have two more children now.” My heart sunk in discouraged disbelief. But I smiled in order to not show my feelings, distract others, draw attention to myself, or openly lose it.
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Sometimes, it is easier to ignore them. It hurts when I think of the children who are meant to be mine, but are not yet. The pain is difficult to understand. It is intricate and filled with a series of thoughts strung together leading themselves into limitless rabbit holes in a never ending day dream.
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